Stuck
by somebodystolemypenname
Summary: Jude, is literally, painfully, and very stuck. Jude/Pepper ONESHOT


I looked up at the ceiling and breathed out the smoke in my mouth up at it. I had once vowed I would never smoke, but when I moved in to an apartment where _everyone_ did, it was hard to avoid.

I was thinking about before I smoked, and how much time I had. Smoking took up a lot of time… Looking for places where people wouldn't mind, and going to the store to buy me, and everyone else, a new pack.

I was in the middle of these thoughts when I heard a scream from the bathroom. I looked over, and the door was slightly open, as always. I was on the fence about seeing if anything was wrong, but decided to go see what he was groaning about.

I extinguished my cigarette and walked over to the bathroom. "Jude, you alright?"

He swore under his breath.

"Jude." I knock on the open door, and I see his back faced towards me. He turns his head.

"Shit, Pepper…"

"Is something wrong?" I ask, and try to look over his shoulder.

He's going from looking down in front of him, and back to me very quickly. "Well… uh… I…"

"Should I just…" I start walking out, and then he lets out a little whimper.

"Don't!" I turn around. "Don't… go… uh…"

I pick up a glass of wine sitting on the counter and help myself to a sip.

"Uh… could you… help me?"

I reply with a murmur through the wine. "Mmhmm?"

"I'm… stuck." He admits through his teeth.

"Hmmm?" I ask, still drinking the wine.

He looks at me, his face slightly red. "I'm… stuck."

He jerks his hands for a second and then yelps.

I choke on the wine when I realize what he means. "Oh… your… your… in the…"

He nods and chews his lip.

I put the glass down. "Why don't you get… Max to do it or something?" I suggest, but he yelps again. "Okay, okay…"

I walk over to where he's standing in the bathroom.

"You're going to have to turn around." I say, and he turns around slowly, embarrassed. "Oh my god…" I mumble, looking at… it… tangled up in the zipper.

He looks up at the ceiling. "Pepper, get it out." He mutters. I honestly, have no idea on what to do.

"Okay, uh… Can you move?"

He looks at me. "Can I move." He repeats slowly.

I nod. "Can you move?"

He closes his eyes and sighs. "_Very_ slowly."

"Okay, you just have to make it to the bedroom, and then you can lie down while I get some ice, okay?"

He groans again and I walk out of the bathroom while he walks slowly behind.

When he finally gets to the bedroom he screams in agony as I help him lie down on the bed. I take a look at it, and then mumble… "Yeah, that's gonna need some ice."

I walk into the kitchen and pull open the freezer. Max is sitting at the table, smoking and writing something.

"Whatcha doin'?" I ask, searching through the fridge.

"Writing my memoirs." He says through the corner of my life.

"Oh? The life story of Maxwell Carrigan?"

"Mmmmhm." He says again.

"Do we have _any_ ice in this apartment?"

Max shakes his head. "Frozen peas."

I roll my eyes and grab the bag of frozen peas. I make my way over to the bedroom where I heard Jude screaming.

"Jude?" I walk faster.

He's screaming again.

"What are you _doing?_"

"Trying to get it…_out!!_"

"Wait until I freeze it, you moron!"

He moaned again and sweat dripped down from his hair.

"Okay… uh, here." I hand him the peas, and he puts it directly on his pants.

"This doesn't do anything, Pepper." He complains.

"Wait for a second, it'll take a minute."

"What do I do in the meantime?"

I shrug. "Mmmm…. Wanna make out?"

He lets out a breath that he must have been holding. "Not… really." He mutters.

I pout. "Oh, come on. You don't like me?"

"Of course I like you…" He breathes.

I lie down on the bed next to him and push a hand through his damp hair. "Love me?"

He smiles weakly. "Mm."

"Is the ice working?"

"A bit."

I kiss him, careful not to move him in anyway.

I smile against his lips when he kisses me back, and then my hands slowly take off the frozen peas, and—

"JESUS CHRIST!!" Jude yells, jerking his face away from mine.

I bite my lip as I hear him swear every word in the book.

"God, Jude, does it really hurt that much, or are you just a baby?"

"IT HURTS!" He screams, and then whimpers.

Max walks by and looks in the door. "Something wrong?"

Jude, in too much pain from me trying to rip away his pants, bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Max, come 'ere." I demand, continuing to look at Jude. He walks in and looks at his friend.

"Oh, nasty." He comments, and Jude replies by sticking up his middle finger.

"Has this ever happened to you?"

Max shrugs. "Uh, maybe. Once."

"How'd you fix it?" I ask.

"I took off my pants."

Jude groaned loudly at that remark.

"Is there any… other way?" I ask, starting to worry about Jude, sweating and screaming on my bed.

"Well… if it's stuck, then you should probably use… lube, or something. You know, get it loose."

I look at Jude, who doesn't seem to be listening.

"You're a genius." I whisper, laughing.

"I have my moments."

I go into the bathroom and raid through the cupboards. "What do we have that can work?" I ask.

Max shrugs. "Butter?"

I laugh a bit, but go into the kitchen.

I come back with a stick of butter and show it to Jude, who is still cringing on the bed.

"Here." I pass it to Jude, and he lets it fall by his head.

"Ugh, Jude, don't make me do it." I complain.

He grinds his teeth together.

I walk over to the bed, and put the stick of butter on his pants.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you?" I joke.

"Not in the mood for jokes, Pepper." He mutters.

"I know."

I take the butter off and reach for the frozen peas on the dresser.

I hear Max taunting Jude. "What if I do this? Does it hurt if I do this?"

"No…"

"What about… this?"

"Kinda…"

"What about… this?"

"MAAAAX!! MOTHER OF GOD! OH MY… MAAAX!!" I look over and see that Max had ripped the zipper clean off of Jude.

We listened to him swear some more, giggling like naughty school children. Finally I handed him the peas, which he used to throw at Max. Max dodged them and handed them back to Jude, who stood up and ran to the bathroom, again.

"Think he's mad?" Max asked, a smile still painted on his face.

"Hard to say." I smile.

"If he was mad, do you think he's mad at me?"

"Well, I don't know. If you were Jude, would you be mad at you?"

Max thought. "Uh…"

I smile and kiss him on the cheek. "I'm gonna go check on him. Make sure that he hasn't… oh, I don't know… committed suicide, or something."

He snickers after I kiss him, ignoring what I said after. "Looks like someone wants me back."

"Whatever, loser." I say back, and he laughs in return.

I knock on the bathroom door, which was surprisingly closed. "Jude? Can I come in?"

He moans in return.

I grab my pink fuzzy robe that I got for Christmas last year and walk inside.

"You okay?" I ask, him sitting on the toilet seat.

"I don't understand why girls are always complaining about childbirth, claiming that we don't know what real pain is…"

I smile. "Well, you're talking in full sentences." I note, and I walk over and kiss his hair. "Will you at least say that it's getting better?"

"It's getting better." He mumbles.

"Better enough to have sex tonight?"

Jude closes his eyes. "I feel like Sadie closed my penis in a fucking waffle maker." He griped.

I laugh. "Oh?" I sit on the counter next to the toilet he's sitting on. "You should probably get changed out of those pants."

"I don't have anything to change into." He mutters. I throw him the robe. He laughs. "Oh, joy." He says sarcastically.

"Max's old blue ones in here, somewhere… But that ones a lot cleaner. And warmer. And softer. No sex means you'll be pretty cold tonight."

Jude strokes the robe before sighing and then stripping down his clothes. He pulls the robe over his tiny body and I hug him, smelling in my robe.

He puts his arms on my back and laughs. "Well, that was fun."

_Yeah. So. I'm marking it M, just to be safe…. if anyone thinks T would be fine, then I'll change it._

_Peace and Love._

_-Hannah_


End file.
